You Made Me Regret That I Loved You
by idontknowanything
Summary: “I’m tough. I guarded my heart from everyone. But somehow you snuck up on me, and wormed your way into my heart. You made me love you. But now, you made me regret that I loved you.” Another oneshot look at a character's thoughts. Season 4 SPOILERS


Disclaimer: If I owned Degrassi, would I really have time to waste writing fanfiction?

Installment number 7 in my series of one-shots depicting character's feeling and thoughts on season 4 events. I let you guess who it is. Other stories in series are No Regrets, My Regrets, Too Late for Regret, Should I Regret That I'm Happy, Nothing to Regret, Crazy Regrets, and this story, You Made Me Regret That I Loved You.

Summary: "I'm tough. I guarded my heart from everyone. But somehow you snuck up on me, and wormed your way into my heart. You made me love you. But now, you made me regret that I loved you."

You Made Me Regret That I Loved You

I'm tough. I guarded my heart from everyone. But somehow, you snuck up on me, and wormed your way into my heart. You made me love you. But now, you made me regret that I loved you.

I hate how I sound like one of those pathetic country singers when I think about you. But, this is what you did to me, the price of loving you. My thoughts now consist of crappy country song lyrics. Breaking hearts and cheating hearts and all that crap. But this is what you did to me. You made me regret that I loved you.

I haven't talked to you since that day. That day we broke up. That day I found out you were a jerk, a creep, an idiot who couldn't keep his pants buttoned. The day the doctor told me I had gonorrhea. The day I found out you gave me gonorrhea. The day I found out about you and my best friend.

I should have known it would happen. You're a guy. That's what guys do. They tear out your heart and beat you and hurt you. I've seen it happen to my mom all the time, with her revolving bedroom door of boyfriends of the week. Each and every one, she loves, and tells me he is the "ONE". And it turns out to be he is the one that will break this, or steal this, or leave her for this woman, or beat her up.

But I thought you were different. Sure, you were tough… I wouldn't have went for you if you were a wuss. But you treated me right. You didn't hit me, or hurt me, and you made me feel special. Sure, you never said you loved me, but that's ok. I never told you I loved you. But I did. And you made me regret that I loved you.

Because you turned out to be just as much of a creep as my mom's boyfriend. You cheated on me… with my BEST FRIEND. I told you it sounded like a cheesy country music song, didn't I?

And you know what really hurts? That you never said you were sorry. You said it was nothing, that it meant nothing. But you had a guilty look on your face, like you were lying to me or something. But you never told me you were sorry. And, thinking back, I don't think I've ever heard you say those words, to me, to anyone.

And then I found out you lied to me. It was only Amy, you said. Just her. Then I found out you were seen with a couple of other girls. Clarissa, Meghan, Stacey, all those sluts who were at the ravine all the time. And someone saw you with another girl, someone with long blonde hair, someone who they didn't know. I never found out who that girl was.

You made me regret that I loved you, that you made me care. That you made me into this jealous witch, glaring at all the girls you cheated on me with every time I see them in the halls of Degrassi. Looking at every girl with long blonde hair and wondering – is she the one? Is that her?

But you know what? As much as I regret I loved you, I don't regret that we broke up. Without you, I have become so much more than I was before. Before, I was just the girl who dated you; together we were a couple of juvenile delinquent wannabe's. But by myself, I'm a person, a girl who matters. I've made friends with some surprising people. People who scared me before, when I was with you. People like Paige, who I can talk to. And Marco… surprisingly he is turning out to be one of my best friends. And without you, people are treating me differently. They are treating me like a person… not a criminal. And as student council VP… they are treating me with respect. I am so much more without you than I was with you.

Sure, you made me regret that I loved you. But I don't regret that we're over. If sometimes I miss your strong arms holding me, you comforting me when life at home was unbearable, I'll survive. Because I'm not going to be like my mom. Selling her soul for those fleeting moments of comfort with the creep of the week. Destroying her life and her daughters with her constant search for the "ONE". I'm better off on my own than with a guy that proved to be just as much of a jerk as one of my mom's choices.

I know you never hit me. You hate that kind of thing just as much as me. You had a temper, but you never took it out on me. You were tough… but with me, sometimes, you would do or say something completely surprising, something that told me without words that you cared. And you could kiss…. Man, could you kiss.

But I'm not going to be like my mom. Forgiving you… not that you ever asked for forgiveness… that's just something I can't do. Because then I would be like my mom. Taking crap from a creep just to say she has a man around. That's not me. Sure, I miss you. But that's not enough.

You made me regret that I loved you. But I don't regret that it's over.


End file.
